To the girl who would one day date my guy best friend,
Let me start this letter by being truthful to you.
If I could stop the universe from bringing the two of you together, I would; if I could stop my best friend from falling in love with you, I would; and if I could prevent the odds of meeting you, I would.
I really would, without a shadow of a doubt; without any hint of remorse.
This may sound terrible, but I would hate to meet you.
Meeting you would mean a shift in the friendship my guy best friend and I have. Meeting you would mean an end to the chapter of his book where I am mostly the one beside him and opening a new one with you taking away my role. Meeting you would mean a change, and I do not want anything to change.
Once you come into my guy best friend’s life, I would be a childhood photograph–something that is only remembered and can only be relived through looking back.
You may not know this, but most of our conversations have always been about the past. We would always reminisce past happenings in our lives and try our hardest to figure out how it led to the present. We would also try to think about all the ways it could have gone right, if it did not go wrong.
I never realized before why I love talking about the past with him, but now I think I have decoded the reason. It is because I feel like by talking about the past, I would widely stretch the present and prevent the odds of meeting you any time soon.
As selfish as this may sound, I cannot bear someone else being close to him the way I do. If I could tuck him in my heart and let him stay there forever, I would even though I know I should not for he is not mine to keep.
We already established the fact that we are not meant to be each other’s other half. Like what he always says, our red strings were connected to other people and were only strangled to one another’s. But, the thing is, I hope it forever stays strangled.
I hope that as our lives unravel in front of us, in the end, we would not part. I hope that as we meet different people in our lives, our friendship would still be intact.
If he is reading this right now, I know he would know the reason. He knows how much I can get too attached to people. He also knows how much I dread the feeling of being left alone by those people who I am attached to.
Although in my best friend’s fairytale you would be the heroine who will save him and make him realize what true love is, in mine, you are the villain who would take him away from me.
Believe it or not, you are the nightmare I have always seen coming but is never ready for. The reason behind it is not that I never tried to prepare myself for you, but because I tried preparing myself for your coming, not realizing I do not need to.
The thing is, I am aware of the fact that he will not stay single forever. There will come a time when all the love he gave the world will come back to him in the form of a girl truly loving him.
I am aware of that, but I need more time.
I focused too much on dress rehearsing how you will take him away from me, even though I am aware that that is not your intention. Although that is the case, I cannot help but see you as that person– the one who will take him away, and I cannot bear that.
The thing is, my best friend has always been the only constant guy friend I have.
He was there when I was recovering from what I consider as my first heartbreak; he was there when I was busy drooling over boys; he was there when I was trying to prove myself to the people around me; he was there when I was dreaming big; he was there when I was in the process of bettering myself; and he was there when I made a fool out of myself countless times.
And you know what, I was there; I was there when he was busy thinking that destiny works against him; I was there when he first opened up about his family matters; I was there when he was contemplating on his life decisions regarding girls; I was there when he felt lonely despite being surrounded by other people; I was there when he was trying his hardest to prove everyone wrong.
Our friendship was tested countless times and although it gets strained sometimes, we always find ourselves in each others’ warmth.
We talked about this a couple of times before. He had always told me that nothing will ever change our friendship and I believe that.
I absolutely believe that.
Although that is the case, I know it is just blind optimism. It was just something we tell ourselves hoping that by saying it countless times to each other, it would suddenly hold truth, but I know there is a big chance it will not.
The thing is, he may not know this but I know him not because he keeps on introducing parts of him to me but because I am too observant not to realize things about him. All I can say is, you are one blessed girl–not lucky because luck is an understatement for the way he loves.
You may not realize this but he is willing to love you the way you will never find yourself questioning his love; he can love you without thinking of anyone else but you; he can love you so deeply, so passionately, not realizing he is eliminating me in the picture I still want to be part of.
You know what, although I hope that the universe conspires with me to not let the two of you happen, I know it will be inevitable.
That is why here I am willing to let go of the friendship we have, to make room for the love you have to offer.
But before that, allow me to translate into words what I really wanted to say to you that is still tucked in my heart.
Whenever you find yourself looking at my guy best friend’s eyes, I hope you do not see a boy full of potential, but rather a man full of love.
He would be far from the ideal man you envision. He will not always come to you with a warm smile and arms ready to cage you in an embrace. Sometimes, he will come to you with closed lips and fists that wants to let out his emotions by the only way he knows how.
Whenever you find yourself having a hard time decoding him, I hope you do not give up. Instead, I hope you try your hardest to understand and see through him.
Here is a tip: every time his eyes do not reveal most of his emotions since he has already mastered the art of bottling things up, look at his hands. Let his hands tell you what his eyes cannot. Let his hands communicate with you what his eyes are trying to just brush off.
Whenever he shows you how intense his soul is, I hope you never think twice about loving him.
His intensity is beautiful and if you find yourself loving him despite that, please pack away your love. Store it back in your heart and let it stay there until you realize what is wrong with loving him like that. He deserves not to be loved despite his intensity but because of it. He deserves to be loved with all his negative and positive attributes.
And, whenever you find yourself falling in love with him deeply, I hope you never think of me or this letter. I hope you never try to limit your engagement with him thinking that it will hurt me.
My best friend deserves to be loved with no distraction; He deserves to be loved fully.
Please love him in the way he deserves, even though it means removing me from the picture.
I already made lots of memories with him. It is time you make yours.
His girl best friend
Why, hello there!
Thank you for reading! I appreciate it a lot.
When I was in junior high school, I developed this habit of writing letters. Every time I offended or annoyed one of my friends, I tend to apologize to them through a letter. I think because of the habit that I gained, I started seeing letters as a form of creative expression like how one would describe a poem.
Just to be clear, this is a literary piece. It is under my blog collection called “Woven Words” that is home to my creative pieces. Like what my Beastie told me, one does not need to be in love to talk about love.
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