Both of you were branded ugly by the people around me and I made the mistake of seeing you in their lenses.
I know a simple five-letter word cannot erase nor give justice to the hurt brought by my self-deprecating jokes subjected to both of you, and other people’s constant teasing because of your sizes but still, sorry.
I am sorry for choosing to see you not as my precious orbs that allow me to see everything around me but as my flaws that diminished my chances of being beautiful in the eyes of the world that sees in standards.
For as long as I can remember, I have treated both of you as my greatest flaws. Before, if I were asked the question “what would you want to change about yourself?”, without a shadow of a doubt, I will answer both of you.
Your sizes were the reason I was called names way back in grade school. Everyone around me saw the both of you as abnormally big like the eyes of a Tarsier. I know the comparison was utterly exaggerated but because of that, I wanted both of you to be modified.
I remember, one of my friends in junior high school jokingly told me that I would have been beautiful if not for my big eyes–if not for both of you. Because of that, I would look at my reflection in the mirror while squinting to picture my face with your sizes diminished.
When I realized that I look more appealing with the both of you smaller, I searched ways on how I can hide your sizes to fit the world’s standard of normality not realizing that it is not the both of you that needs modification but people’s sickeningly ridiculous beauty standards that I tried conforming to.
All my life, I saw the two of you as nothing more than my flaws. I have never seen how capable I am because of both of your presence.
Without both of you, I would not have been capable of crying whenever I feel my emotions get the best of me; I would not have been capable of enjoying the things around me; I would not have been capable of seeing the people that are dear to me; and most of all, I would not have been capable of seeing everything the world has to offer–both its beauty and ugliness.
My eyes, the two of you were never the problem. Your sizes that the people around me have labeled as “too big” were never something I should be ashamed of for it was something that was fashioned from my parents’ pairs of eyes.
I am sorry I am only realizing it now. I am sorry for never taking the time to appreciate all the things both of you have done for me.
Both of your ugliness was something I have let other people embed to the two of you because of my lack of self-esteem.
I am sorry for not having the bravery to stand up during the times you needed me to, and for choosing to stand up only after the teasing have gone down; I am sorry for letting other people’s words filled with opinionated criticisms based on subjective standards get to me.
To my eyes that see the beauty in everyone even though everyone fails to see their beauty, both of you deserve apologies from everyone who has hurt the two of you. I am sorry I can only give you mine.
the girl who is now proud of calling both of you her eyes
Thank you for reading! I appreciate it a lot.
This is one of my most personal pieces.
When I was in grade school and early junior high school, I was subjected to name-calling. Although the people who called me names treated their name-calling as a simple joke, their remarks bruised my self-esteem to the point that I hated posting pictures of me online.
It was only when I turned senior high school that I realized the value of not letting their remarks get to me. Like what Angel Cruz said in the spoken word poetry titled “About the Good Days”, “there’s nothing this Barbie world can do to cut you unless you decide to“.
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